Fact Friday: Opposites Don't Always Attract

This Valentine's Day, we're debunking a popular social psychology myth: opposites attract. Now, unless you're part magnet, this isn't likely to be true. Sure, having everything in common with your significant other can be boring, but having nothing in common can be even worse!

Imagine it: you are driven and hard-working, you're a tidy person who makes your bed every morning and would never dream of leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight. Your friend sets you up with someone who has aspirations, but is a little lazy when it comes to achieving them. Job application deadlines pass without them even turning on the computer to type a cover letter. They like relaxing on the couch, catching up on the latest episode of 'Game of Thrones' and those dishes from yesterday's lunch can wait until the next commercial break...or the one after that. And what's the point in making up your bed every morning if you're just going to undo it every night?

"Just now eh babe, my favourite character is about to die!"
Photo from here.

Do you see that relationship really working out? One partner is going to end up doing all the tidying, or constantly insisting that the other keep trying to develop their career. They might become resentful to one another because one might be viewed as 'lazy' whereas the other might be viewed as 'too intense'.

Now, that's not to say that this scenario can't work out at all. If you're someone who doesn't mind tidying up, and you enjoy giving your partner the constant support needed to help them get their career underway, then that's great! It's just that a lot of times, the little things become draining and irritating and that can wear down a relationship over time.

It is actually very important in healthy, lasting relationships to find a partner that shares similar values and principles. For instance, decisions on how to raise children, or how to to plan finances are far more important than liking the same dancehall artiste or preferring one type of movie over another. While any kind of agreement is great for a relationship, quality versus quantity comes into play here.

Do you and your partner complement each other like salt & pepper?
Photo from here.

Of course, this doesn't mean that couples can't disagree. Small disagreements are natural and healthy for the growth of a relationship, and they allow partners to reflect on themselves and the other, and develop their relationship in appropriate ways. Opposites do attract in the sense that a little bit of discrepancy, like liking different football teams or having different areas of interest help the couple's interaction. Couples with healthy respect for one another are willing to engage in topics that they might not naturally be interested in, to either find out why their partner enjoys it or to simply connect by showing interest in their significant other's enthusiasm.