For our first Tuesday Talks of 2014, we've chosen the topic of bullying. This serious and unfortunate problems extends far beyond classrooms and playgrounds. In this post we focus on three types of bullying: school bullying, workplace bullying and familial bullying.
What is it?
Bullying is any sort of intentional hostile behaviour which is repeatedly done. There are two main types of bullying: direct and indirect. Direct bullying consists of overt, aggressive acts such as physical or verbal confrontations. Indirect bullying involves tactics such as manipulation, social exclusion, gossiping and other emotionally hurtful acts.
Everyone knows the saying "sticks and stones make break my bones but words can never hurt me". Unfortunately, this rhyme isn't really true. Of the two types, indirect bullying is the more harmful. While physical injuries can heal and scars fade over time, the pain caused by emotional humiliation or a damaged reputation is hard to overcome.
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| Acts of bullying can vary in seriousness from your boss rolling his eyes at you to your daughter's classmate slapping her in the face. (click to enlarge) Photo from here. |
When bullies grow up and join the workforce they continue their patterns of abuse. It is particularly evident when they are in positions of authority or have responsibilities over other people in the workplace. Some examples of workplace bullying are unjust demotions, docked pay, withheld salaries, insults, unfair reviews of work, exclusion from office socialising and unexplained job termination.
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| If your workday feels like this, there's a chance that your boss is a big bully. |
Bullying is also a problem within the family unit and if left unchecked can sometimes escalate to domestic violence. Many people do not realise it, but shouting at, hitting and ignoring family members is a form of bullying. Most times children are the recipient of such treatment. Older family members are often bullied by younger ones for money, property or legal rights. Spouses can bully each other into having more children or terminating a pregnancy, signing over legal rights and material assets, giving up careers and finances, or even staying in the relationship if one person wants to get out. Familial bullying is the hardest type of bullying to curb as family members are bound so closely that it is difficult for them to realise that they are being treated unfairly.
What happens?
Bullying, regardless of context is damaging to both the victim as well as the perpetrator of the acts.
Both those who bully and who are bullied can experience a variety of issues which might either come from or lead to the act of bullying. While the effects of bullying are too many to count, here are a few of the most common ones:
- low or lessened self-esteem and self worth
- depression and anxiety
- psychological and emotional damage
- physical injuries
- substance use and abuse
- self-harm, suicidal behaviours and suicide
- bullying
Now that last one might seem strange, but it's an unfortunate reality. People who are bullied sometimes become bullies themselves. This gives them a sense of control and authority which has been taken away from them by their own tormentor. Bullying allows people to feel a perverse sense of power which comes from dominating others. Bullies are satisfied when people are afraid or intimidated by them because they interpret the fear or dislike that people have towards them as respect or envy.
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| Comic by Mike Moore. |
How can we help?
It's a vicious cycle. When a parent employs bullying tactics at home, a child goes to school and displays those negative behaviours to establish himself as dominant amongst his peers. As he grows up, if those behaviours are not corrected then he enters the workforce where he intimidates and harasses his colleagues. Eventually he may decide to marry and begin a family, who will bear the brunt of his hostile manner at home. His children will see his example and try to emulate it at school, setting it all in motion again.
An important step in combating bullying regardless of whether it occurs at school, home or work, is teaching and learning problem-solving skills and pro-social conflict management. When people are able to resolve interpersonal concerns or disputes in a healthy, non-hostile manner, the threat and problem of bullying is lowered significantly.
Students are also encouraged to talk to teachers, principals parents and school counsellors to manage incidents of bullying. Although children and adolescents may fear that telling someone else may anger their bully, it is important that they alert someone who is in a position to deal with the culprits. It should also be noted that children can be bullied by teachers. If you or your child notices that a particular teacher repeatedly has it out for them, singling them out in class or taking marks off of assignments for silly reasons, a talk with the teacher or even the school principal might be helpful. Often, principals may side with teachers, but do not feel ashamed or embarrassed to ask for your child to change classes or even schools if the problem is serious enough.
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| These signs might be an indication that something might be going on with your child. Diagram from here. |
Similarly, do not be afraid to go to your company's human resources department if you are being bullied at work. Usually they have methods in place to effectively deal with these type of situations. You can also approach your boss or, if your boss is the one doing the bullying, then your union representative depending on the type of job you have. If you feel as though the situation is bad, start looking for a job somewhere else and as soon as you can, remove yourself from that unhealthy work environment.
We've already mentioned why it's so difficult to curb bullying in families. Not only do we in the Caribbean have a culture of corporal punishment, but there is the general view that shouting or "bouffing" up children is integral to their development as upstanding citizens. While children ought to be reprimanded when they have done something out of line, physical and verbal confrontations don't do much to teach them why their actions were unwelcome. When addressing the situation, finding ways to be stern but loving without raised voices or palms can make a marked difference in the responsiveness and receptiveness of your child.
If an older relative is being bullied it is important to talk to them about what is happening as well as to speak to the person who is doing the bullying. If there are financial or legal issues involved, it is best to address it so that older persons who may be ailing or have reduced capacities can be attended to with the care they deserve. If the bullying is severe enough, consider removing the relative from the harmful environment.
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| Unfortunately, some people don't take good care of the people who took care of them. Photo from here. |
Bullying between spouses is a complicated matter as it can sometimes overlap with the instance of domestic violence. In cases of bullying where there is name-calling or less severe bullying behaviours, couples therapy or marriage counselling can help to facilitate better communication between the partners and make them aware of particular sensitivities the other might have. For example, a husband may call his wife "fat girl". To him it may be a term of endearment, but to her she may see it as an attack on her physique and feel insecure and resentful.
If the bullying which occurs is more serious than this, such as physical violence, it is recommended that external help be sought in the form of therapy, law enforcement and/or legal aid.
In all instances of bullying it is recommended that persons see a therapist to help counteract the negative effects we mentioned above.
Although when it's written down there seem to be easy solutions for bullying, it's not easy at all. Not only do victims of bullying have to be brave enough to take a stand, but bullies also have to want to change their negative behaviours and learn that there are better ways to be respected by others. It is a difficult challenge, but hopefully through increased awareness we can begin to effect change in what is not merely a Caribbean, but also a global malice.
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| Take a stand whenever you can. |
Further Information:
Parenting 101: Raise a Leader, Not a Bully – How to Encourage Pro-Social Behavior in Your Child
Legal Rights Trinidad & Tobago: Workplace Bullying & Harassment
Bullying in T&T: Jokes that Hurt
Coudray Enlists NGOs in Tackling Bullying
Tackling the Bullying Problem
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